April 30th, 2008
The ethical, personal, high-tech engagement-ring
Big news… on March 15th, we got engaged! We wanted to make sure that we had told as many people as possible personally before posting about it on our blog.
Toby: This is my story of the process of choosing an engagement ring. Like many people out there, I was uncomfortable with the idea of going and buying a diamond for a few reasons:
- The history of human-rights abuses around diamond mining
- The strange competitive culture of “who has the biggest rock”
- The impersonal nature of getting the same thing as everyone else
I do, however, think that symbols can be very important and although I knew that Brooke would say “yes” whatever I gave her, I wanted to find something that she could keep forever, that would mean something to both of us and that would reflect our personalities.
Caveat: This is a personal story, based on decisions I made that I thought were right. I certainly don’t mean to judge anyone else, everyone’s beliefs are different.
“Conflict-free” diamonds
Those of you who watched Blood Diamond all the way to the end recognize that it wasn’t a condemnation of diamond buying as much as it was an endorsement for the Kimberley Process, which is supposed to certify that diamonds are conflict-free. After some investigation (pretty easy to do), I decided that the process was not trustworthy enough for my tastes. I also felt that I wanted something a little different from a standard white diamond.
Moissanite
I was somewhat fascinated by moissanite (silicon carbide). This is a mineral that looks a lot like diamond but sparkles a lot more due to it’s higher refractive index. It’s also almost as hard as diamond and has replaced it in many scientific applications. I thought it was particularly cool because it was originally discovered in a meteor, then later synthezied by scientists. Brooke and I were curious about it in general, so we went to a jewelry store that sold moissanite.
The stones look fantastic and seem indistinguishable from diamonds to a casual observer. We were immediately struck by how awful the marketing is — while there’s probably an opportunity to talk up the interesting aspects of it (more sparkle than diamond, totally ethical, from space!), the message is very clearly “hey, you can’t afford a diamond, buy this, it’ll last longer than a CZ”. In the end, I decided I wanted something that looked a little different, not something that was designed to be a simulant.
Blue/Pink Sapphire
I almost went with sapphire. It matched a lot of what I was looking for — it’s hard enough to not wear out, it can be made synthetically, and it looks different. There are a wide range of colors: pink, blue, yellow and red (which is usually referred to as Ruby). This is what I would have chosen, had I not found the option I eventually went with…
Man-made Yellow Diamond
A few years ago, I read an article in Wired about companies that had come up with industrial processes to create diamonds in a lab. These are the exact same material as diamond and are distinguishable from mined diamonds only because they tend to be so regular and flawless. I was totally fascinated by the idea of machines that create diamonds, so I started researching what options there were.
In the end, I picked a “Fancy Intense Yellow” diamond, pictured above. It was exactly what I wanted. It fit the criteria of being beautiful, unusual, interesting to look at, completely ethical and the most high-tech stone possible. I really liked the idea that it would remind us of the time that we got engaged by being very tied to the particular era when this was first possible.
Kretchmer Tension Setting
The first time I saw a tension setting, I knew that it was what I had to get. These are rings that don’t have the traditional mounting to hold the diamond in place, it’s held there by the shape of the ring itself. I liked the very clean, simple feel that this created.
I also thought it was incredibly cool that Steve Kretchmer had to invent a special platinum alloy in order to provide the 50,000psi of pressure required to guarantee the diamond would never fall out. I was pleased with myself for finding a technologically advanced setting to match the diamond I had chosen.
The setting I chose is shown here. I loved it immediately, but had to run it by a couple of female friends before actually committing 
I was also unsure if it made sense to spend more on the setting than the diamond, but people assured me that this was often the case with unusual or interesting settings.
In the end I was very very happy with my choices — I had managed to create a very high-tech ring, which is fantastic because we’re both obsessed with technology, Brooke absolutely loves it and everyone comments on how unique it is. The fact that the diamond is suspended without a setting makes it really fascinating to look at. The depth of the yellow changes depending on the lighting –in sunlight it appears very dark yellow and under incandescents it almost looks completely colorless.
B&T: We’re planning on a very tech-savvy wedding also. Stay tuned…
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Congratulations again on the engagement, you two are amazing and adorable!
OMG! Congratulations, guys!! Just saw this on my Google Reader today (I’m a loyal subscriber!) All my happiest wishes to you.
Couldn’t possibly be any more perfect for you two. Love it. Enjoy, BB! Looking forward to the cutting-edge wedding too!
Toby,
I’m Justin K’s buddy, I’m not sure if you remember me, but I signed up for your twitter feed. Anyway, congrats to you both.
I’m just an average bloke who came across your blog - is starting to shop for rings - and loves what you’ve got. Any chance you could drop me a note and share some of your research.
You really know what you wanted and got it too, thats determination
Its a beautiful ring with a lot of character aswell. Congrats!
Congrats you all. Man I shoulda done more research instead of going to Zales. LOL!
love diamond! want to creat one from coal? then go to http://easydim.blogspot.com/ and read the docs. I am sure you will love it
Congratulations to you both! This is awesome!
I must say I’m baffled by the fascination with “natural” gemstones. By every measure used to rate natural stones, synthetics are better. And you get to pay to support foreign nastiness. Even if you do get a “conflict diamond” you’re still propping up demand for this market. If the extra money demonstrates increased commitment to the relationship, I’d rather give it to an NGO rather than hope some of it gets to poor miners.
s/conflict/conflict free/; # you get it
Hi webmaster!
First of all, congratulations. Second, thanks for TaskToy
Third, great to see someone putting so much ethical thought into their engagement ring. Sounds a bit wierd, but my fiancee and I chose a secondhand diamond ring instead, using the faintly muzzy logic that we hadn’t created any extra demand in the market. We still haven’t quite worked out if that approach works…?
Hi webmaster!
Hi webmaster!
Hi webmaster!
Hi webmaster!
Hi webmaster!
Interesting facts.I have bookmarked this site. stephanazs
LOL
that doesn’t even make any sense!
thank you, brother
hey excellent post, really enjoyed it. I’ve added your blog to my netvibes account - will be keeping up with your posts!
hi
I have some question about the tension set.
When they creat and who was the first personne to do this setting?
thank you.
hAVE A GOOD DAY
I came across your blog on the google search engine and saw a few of your earlier posts that you did previously . I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the great work. i will Look forward to reading more from you again.
Hi… Glad to have found your blog. I worked with Brooke (at Motif) and got the see the ‘ring’ in person!!! I loved the setting and the stone.
I just read some recent updates about the realities of the ‘Kimberely Process’ and it would really upset my woman friend if we got a diamond that was tied into any humanitarian abuse issues.
Brooke told me the name of the company that you acquired the stone from, but I can’t remember it now. Could you possibly forward that one to me.
Best wishes on your continued life together and on the upcoming big day.
regards,
Harley Axelrod
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